A therapist turned us in the direction of the Nurtured Heart approach to parenting and I don't think we will be turning back any time soon. It's not wild or radical or complicated. It is simple, straightforward and it works. It was almost like a miracle with our oldest child. We have barely started to implement the technique and we have already seen a major shift in her actions and attitudes. Of all of the things we have tried in the last 4 1/2 years, this one is actually continuing to work also! Our daughter is asking for the recognition when she is doing something good. She is more helpful, considerate, thoughtful and even focused. She still receives consequences for bad behavior, but we have to give them less often.
It is a simple approach that takes a serious commitment on the parent(s) part to implement. The basis of the system is to only give your energy to positive/good behaviors. How hard could that really be? Well, it is hard! You also have to work at giving NO energy to the negative behaviors. It is really difficult after a long, taxing day to stay emotionless and give a time-out to the screaming child who has been acting out all day. But, it really does work!The next thing you have to work at is giving positive reinforcement by giving the child more than just a "good job" or "atta boy" when they have done something good/correct. You have to really expand on that idea and give them more to go on. Talk about the positive traits that they are exhibiting at the moment, for example. This one gets a little tough too, trying to think of something to say instead of saying the same thing over and over again. But, it works!
We still have a lot of work to do on our part to really use the approach, but since we are already seeing such great results, it should get easier to keep working on it. This is something that I would highly recommend not only to parents of difficult children, but to any parent. It really is a great way to parent.
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